The Temple: Part One - Excerpt Of My Attempt At A Short Story

Please keep in mind that: a) this is only a small part of a short story, b) I don't self-edit well, c) nobody has critiqued or done a beta on the story, and d) I'm still attempting to work on my writing style/technique...which has many flaws. All that being said, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The breeze cooled the sweat on his body. Goosebumps popped out on his skin as a chill descended his spine. He was bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath and keep down his meager dinner. A twig snapped to his right.

"Great, here we go again," he moaned.

"Samuel, wait! I just want to talk to you for a minute," Edgar yelled.

Samuel was so tired of running. Seemed to him that's all he'd been doing for the past few years. Running from one thing or another. And now this. Betrayal by someone he'd known since they were babies. Best friends, training partners, practically brothers. How Edgar could have done this, Samuel still didn't understand. He had no intention of waiting around to find out though. He gathered his strength and pressed on towards his destination. The only salvation he had left to him.

As Edgar ran through the small group of trees and bushes at the edge of the forest, he saw Samuel run across the field toward the temple. He swore under his breath. He had to explain, but Samuel wouldn't give him the chance. It wasn't betrayal that he'd committed, but an act of kindness, a necessary evil. Obviously, Samuel didn't agree. And now he was headed for the one place he should have avoided at all costs.

"You will have to listen eventually. There's more to the story than what you know," Edgar sent out telepathically.

Samuel hesitated in his stride at the thought in his head, but only for a brief moment. It didn't matter what the murderous monster said anymore. He had to get to the Temple of Beor where he would be safe.

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I will post more...eventually. Please feel free to leave any comments/critiques. And don't worry about hurting my feelings if you think it's horrible. I have tough skin and I welcome any and all criticism, particularly harsh criticism.